Loss

Today I’m thinking about “loss” in a different way. I feel a sense of loss today that I can live with. It starts out feeling empty and for a moment it hurts. If I am still, that moment passes. If I don’t try to hold onto it, it goes rather quickly. On the other hand, if I want to keep that feeling of loss, I can create attachments that keep it with me. For example, I feel the loss of a relationship and it hurts for a moment. That feeling is sadness in my gut. I begin to cry and that experience starts to tell me things like I’m losing a part of myself, I’m never going to have another relationship, I will be so alone, I have failed. I ask myself, what have I done to deserve this. That kind of reaction will undoubtedly create more pain and sadness.

But, as I said, I am experiencing loss in a different way today. It’s more like this; I am feeling sadness over the change in my relationship, I breathe and start to cry. Crying is, in my opinion, one of they truest forms of expression there is, so I am going to enjoy this cry. My heart is full, not empty, if I am crying. It feels full! I am letting out the pain of this loss. Is it pain? Yes, it hurts. I feel suddenly alone. Wait. I like being alone. I do. It allows me to reflect on the beauty of my life, which, if I look back at it I realize that the challenges I have faced in my life have always forced me to grow in ways I otherwise might never have. Now that feels less sad. In fact the feeling I now have is gratitude. I am grateful for all of the sad times and the losses in my life because they have given me growth. I have grown considerably over the course of my life, but never as much as when I have been hurting. I am grateful.

This is a true story. Life isn’t good, or bad. Life is Life. How I choose to experience life dictates the quality of my life. Deepak Chopra has a quote I use to remind me of this. “Because I accept life as life, in my world, nothing ever goes wrong.” I am grateful today. I am happy.